


good enough

by av_versiera



Series: 'till death do us part (senju tobirama/reader, you) [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Implied miscarriage, Panic Attacks, post-Madara defection, that i will explain later, the edo tensei is almost finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27284089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/av_versiera/pseuds/av_versiera
Summary: Marriage isn't dull with Tobirama, but it isn't blissful either. But through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, you and Tobirama had promised to each other that you will stick it through until the end, together. Until death do you part.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character(s), Senju Tobirama/Reader
Series: 'till death do us part (senju tobirama/reader, you) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970128
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	good enough

**Author's Note:**

> I know I am writing this series out of order, but there is a purpose to that! I think... I promise when everything is complete it will all work out. Please be patient TT^TT hehee... Anyways, kinda excited for this chapter though, even though parts are vague (which I will elaborate on more, I promise, I swear!).

Tobirama has always been at war. Every fiber of his being is made for it. His childhood had consisted of being bred for war and it has followed him into adulthood. War loudly cries out in his blood, and it sings, unsyncopated, like brass plates clashing against each other that the only way to force it away is to draft plans after plans, create jutsus one after another. War does not let him stop; it wants to drive him insane. 

He has never gotten out of it. 

In a time of peace, his mind and his body seek out battles, no matter how much he wants to rest. No matter how much he wants to stay still. Silence avoids him like a plague.

On his bed with you, he lies awake, his skin itching like he is covered with bugs. He lies still beside you, the sheets underneath him loud after every wrinkle and it becomes unbearable. He closes his eyes, but tonight, the war raging inside him deems it a good time to disturb him. 

  
  


Quietly, he gets up and sneaks into his office. 

The feeling of his fingers around a pen is familiar, and he grips it like his saving grace. He works on whatever he can get his hands on, because he knows this is the only antidote to the piercing screams by his shoulders. 

He despises himself for being like this, because it is unfair to you that he is being pulled into many directions. You deserve more, he knows this, and most of the time he feels inept as a husband that he cannot give you his undivided attention or make himself more available without sparking a fight. As much as he loves you, there are times where he regrets tying you to him for the rest of your life. 

  
  


Tobirama can never escape a fight, and through lulls of time, he finds himself diving into impossible feats, such as this new project of his. He wants to call it the Edo Tensei. 

Through this jutsu, there may never be a need for troops and for deaths. Through this jutsu, maybe he can have his peace, knowing that these revived shinobis will never fall and will get up no matter how much damage they take. 

He is so close. He is so _close_ that he can practically taste his success. 

But dawn shines through his windows and the life in his house starts to churn with its daily ordeals. 

Tobirama rubs his dry eyes, and despite having them closed, he sees light on his eyelids. 

  
  


Day comes, and he knows that his priorities lie elsewhere. He is the Hokage and he has lives to protect. 

  
  


//

  
  


“Did you sleep?” You ask. You take note of his tense shoulders and the shadows on his face, and decide that it is best that you do not touch him. You watch him sit on his desk, his mad handwriting plethora on the papers in front of him. 

You know that sometimes, physical touch makes him upset, especially when he is in one of his moods. You do not understand it at times, but you make it a point to patiently reassure him. 

Tobirama’s eyes flit to your face, and stares at you as if you might disappear right in front of him. Then his eyes scan your body, and you know that look of his. He is scanning your body for any injuries or if you are in pain. Ever since _that_ incident with one of the servants in your house that resulted in your miscarriage, he is more vigilant about your condition. He is always looking for some sign that you are hurt because he wants to be one step ahead so that he can protect you, from whatever it is. He is absolutely sure he can do something. Back when you were a shinobi and had gotten injured, he had reacted so adversely that it made him even more proactive in preventing you from taking missions. He does not want to see you hurt, ever. 

You step toward him, slowly, so that you don’t set off any of his internal alarms. 

Though the past incidents had left some scars you might have to carry forever, you are just glad that Tobirama is with you. You know that he will always make sure you are safe, and that thought alone gives you enough comfort to stay strong. Besides, you have been given time to heal, whereas your husband overworked himself to make sure that you live with ease.

You meet his somber red eyes, and then you cautiously place your hands on his face. He looks up at you in such a tender way that you almost forget to breathe. He does not turn away, like he would at times, and instead, he seems to lean further into your touch. 

“I lost track of time,” he replies, his voice low as if he is afraid he might startle you. 

“You have stopped sleeping,” you state to him. 

Tobirama nods glumly, knowing this fact very well. He has been awake for many nights now, and he wonders how he’s even standing at this point.

  
  


“Let me help you, hm?” You told him. You had promised him that you will help him become a great Hokage earlier on in your marriage. Though it was not that long ago, you want to keep telling him that you are here to help him. 

Besides, you can use the distraction too. 

“Eat something, I asked the cook to make your favorite dish,” you tell him and a light-hearted smile comes to your face easily. 

  
  


Tobirama takes one of your hands, and he presses a kiss into your wrist. “You didn’t have any nightmares?” 

Your vision gets faraway for a moment and you are reminded of what you have both lost months ago. Then, you are brought back by Tobirama’s firm grip on your hand. 

“I am alright,” you reassure him. 

You look at his face again, and you try to read the many emotions passing through his eyes. He is good at hiding them, much to your chagrin, but years with him has taught you how to find them. 

  
  


“Let’s eat, alright?” You tell him gently, and he allows you to pull him up from his seat. 

  
  


//

The day begins with you and Tobirama walking towards the Hokage’s office. There are some people already up this early in the morning, and they greet you and their second Hokage warmly. Tobirama nods at them, wielding his regal air to cloak him–you can tell he is barely holding it together. You worry about his state, because he has not taken a second for himself. 

You are tempted to take his hand, but you stop yourself. Tobirama is on overdrive mode, and you do not want to startle him. He does not like to display any type of public affection anyways. 

  
  


In the Hokage’s office, Tobirama immediately sets to work without a word. You do your best to facilitate things for him, such as arranging the documents the way he wants them, receiving guests that are not as urgent or important, and when you have done what you can, you set out for lunch to make Tobirama eat, even though you know that he will neglect his meals again. 

Honestly, whoever left Tobirama to his own devices? This man is anything but calm when he is not fighting and facing imminent death.

As his wife, you try to lighten up his workload, and there are many instances that your help is making a difference. These days, you are not sure what plagues Tobirama’s dreams, and well, in his case, his every moment he spends awake. 

You come home after making sure that he has at least managed to get in a few bites before surrendering himself to his Hokage duties, and there, you help the servants clean the house, and do the menial chores like laundry, mostly because your Senju husband is very particular about his things. 

Before dinner, you read up a little, because while you are not an active shinobi anymore, learning does not stop no matter what. 

Since you have no guests to attend to for the day, you start to wind down for sleep. You take a relaxing tea for better sleep, and try not to think about your overworked husband. You remind yourself that he has huge responsibilities to carry out, and many lives depend on him. 

Then, you go to sleep, the other half of the bed empty and cold. 

  
  


//

You know that your husband did not come home because the house is too quiet. You lie there on your bed, unmotivated to get up. You hear the birds chirp outside, and you take a deep breath, just focusing on the sounds of nature. You wait for a sign to call you out of bed, but when it becomes apparent that no such thing will happen, you decide to pull your own weight. 

Today will be a busy day for you, since you are meeting with a few members of the Uchiha clan about the Military Police Force that Tobirama had been very insistent on planning into fruition. His sentiment towards them is not missed by you, but you do believe that he wants the Uchiha clan to be an integral part of this village. 

And that means involving them to be a huge part in protecting the village. 

  
  


You are not a fool and you know that he intends to prevent another Madara defection by using their own weakness to become a strength for the overall good. If they pour their love and their duties for the village, they will be inclined to believe that they are doing the right thing–the right thing for the overall good of the village and its laws. By having them at the center of the village will also keep them in check, as there are many people watching and depending on them. 

You have to admit that Tobirama’s strategy is at best, ingenious. As to what is right and what is wrong, those lines blur when it comes to your husband. He is always ready to make the worst decisions and while that works most of the time, you cannot help but worry for him. 

Even at this point of his life, he still wants to sacrifice his own happiness to make his brother’s village prosper. He does not even think about it. He readily gives up his own life for the village and his family. The two most important things in his life. 

  
  


Sometimes, you cannot help but feel saddened that you may be the only one who sees this part of him, the self-sacrificial and never-ending hypervigilance that drives him half-mad to the bone. 

Such is the job of the Hokage, to light the way for their village by soldiering on in the treacherous shadows. 

  
  


//

  
  


When you get to the Hokage’s office by late afternoon, you hear your husband and his brother shouting at each other. 

It does not immediately faze you because this is not the first time that you have heard them argue. However, the shouting _intensifies_ if that is even possible. Being around the two Senju brothers while they are fighting is already enough to make enemies run away, but the way they are fighting at this moment makes you think they are about to run down the building itself. 

As you listen more, you realize that they are arguing about Madara. It has been a couple of years since his defection and his defeat, but no one has taken it as hard as Hashirama. 

  
  


“Brother, with all due respect, I said no!” Tobirama shouts again for the nth time and you wonder if he is even listening to his brother’s arguments. 

“Tobirama!” Hashirama shouts back. 

“Why? Why must you still be hung up with that _traitor_?!” 

  
  


Your heart squeezes painfully. Madara was a friend of yours, and even his defection would not change that. He was one of the first people that congratulated you with your engagement and had recognized your skills as a shinobi. He even took time to help you sharpen your taijutsu skills. 

  
  


“A project that big, it requires a lot of money and manpower,” Tobirama continues, and you can tell he is trying his hardest to sound composed. “Where will we get these funds? Mind you, our village is a little short on finances because of _you_ ! And even if we do get the money, what do you think people will think about you erecting a giant statue of _your_ friend?” 

“I do not care about what the people think. I am not Hokage anymore and it will not tarnish my name. Madara was and will always be a friend of mine, and he was an honorable shinobi deserving more!”

“He could have killed you! He could have killed your wife! He would have taken the nine-tails out of her and rampaged through the village that we painstakingly built!” 

“Brother, it is the right thing to do, and you know it!” 

You hear Tobirama slam his desk. 

  
  


Hashirama storms out of the office, and he does not even see you as he angrily walks out. You stick yourself to the wall, and you watch him go, wondering if their conversation will resume at a later time. You are not looking forward to it. 

  
  


You wait a few seconds outside the office doors, debating whether it is a good time to give him the report of what had happened with the meeting with the few Uchiha members about the police force. However, you hear papers flying and scrolls crashing inside the office, and a heavy thump on the ground. 

Alarmed, you burst through the doors, and you find Tobirama on the ground, violently shaking and gasping for air. His back is turned to you and it seems like he just fell to the ground, unable to anchor himself. His skin is red, and there are tears flowing from his eyes. 

You have never seen Tobirama like this, and you stop, frozen. You feel pure fear and out of your wits, seeing your husband on the floor, hyperventilating and clutching his chest. Tears flow from your eyes involuntarily, and your heart seizes in your throat from your panic.

  
  


However, your frozen state only lasts for a second, and you are quick to act. 

Tobirama turns away from you to hide himself–you are sure that he knows that you are near, but his actions are erratic, and he is unable to control his movements and he keeps making these choking noises. Sweat breaks through his skin. 

You come to his side to make sure that he does not bite his tongue by keeping him lying on his side. 

“Tobirama, I’m here,” you murmur to him as calmly as you can. “I’m here.” 

You try not to make your sobs apparent. 

“It’s okay,” you keep whispering to him. “Just breathe, in and out…”

You are not sure how long his fit lasted, but when his shaking has stopped, you notice the glazed look on your husband’s face. He attempts to swat your hands off of him, but you are firm and his attempts are weak. With all your strength, you pull him up so that he can rest on you, and you gently hold him against your body by keeping an arm on his torso. 

  
  


You caress his face, while pressing your own cheek to the side of his head. The tears still keep flowing from your eyes, and you close them to make them stop. 

Tobirama’s body fights to be in tandem against the rhythm of your breaths, and when he finally does, his body falls slack against yours. 

  
  


//

  
  


Nighttime falls, but you stay still on the floor, with Tobirama’s body heavy on yours. You are now leaning against the Hokage’s desk, staring at the space in front of you. 

You are thankful that the ANBU had locked the office doors and had halted all entrances to the office. You are not sure when Tobirama will wake up, and you don’t want anyone to find out what had just happened to him. 

You keep your hold on your husband, afraid that should you let go even to just relieve the numbing sensation of your legs, that you would lose him. 

  
  


“Dammit, Tobirama,” you whisper. You find yourself saying this a lot. 

A firm touch lays on your arm, and you start. 

“Tobi?” You call quietly. 

“You are holding me too tight,” he says, though his words are a little bit groggy. 

  
  


You do not loosen your hold as you sigh in relief. 

“Did I worry you?” Tobirama asks and you hear his apology behind the words. 

“You are always worrying me,” you reply, trying to make your voice light, but it comes out as a croak. 

  
  


Tobirama looks down. He is apprehensive to reply. 

At least you are holding him like this. 

  
  


“Did I hurt you?” Tobirama asks, and you notice the hint of sadness in his tone. 

“No, Tobi,” you immediately answer. “No, of course not.” 

  
  


The two of you stay like that for a little longer, and when you deemed that Tobirama is regaining his senses, you stand him up. 

“Let’s get you home,” you tell him. “You can send a shadow clone tomorrow to work.” 

Tobirama’s face crinkle with a frown, but you glare at him and he grudgingly acquiesces. 

It is a first that he is pliable to your suggestions. 

But it is good enough. 

  
  
  


END.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3 will be available on tumblr. :) and I will be editing for mistakes later lolls feel free to point them out


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